So when I was supposed to be finishing my slides for a guest lecture for a University I dropped out from (yeah, I know, it warrants another blog post), I sort of kepoh (1) a bit and overhear this hot, intelligent, funny, gorgeous Malaysian young lady having such a good time conversing, laughing, flirting and touching with an ang moh (2) dude.
Then I remembered a couple of hot, intelligent, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girlfriends who are either married to or dating ang moh dudes too, and I did ask them why not give the local boys a shot. Now, here’s a compilation of the age-long survey.
Please consider that these are just beliefs and opinions of some folks and do not reflect every Malaysian guy, but if you terasa (3), all right, maybe you are just one of the the few?
1. Malaysian guys don’t know how to talk
No, they don’t mean deaf and mute, but rather the surveyed group found that when the guys are in the presence of a hot, intelligent, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girl, said guys just shutter, mum up, become nervous, get a bulging hard-on, etc. Such a bummer (no, I don’t mean the guys try to dry-hump the girls, but then again, who knows?) when the same guy can talk so well with his mom (about the hot, smart, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girl he missed again) and friends (Candy Crush, football, Mamak).
2. Malaysian guys don’t know how to romance
Ah, I blame the hot, smart, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girls for watching too much Korean drama (but seriously, girls? Do you think this guy exists? — handsome, rich, caring, no need to work, perfect hair, always there for you, then when a quarrel with you that time, he suddenly goes MIA lar, busy with work lar, mom in hospital until have to leave the planet to find cure lar… seriously? seriously?) Okay, ranting aside, I think perhaps said girls are just saying Malaysian dudes need to work on being more attentive, sensitive, and appreciative, just like how they treat their PS5, sports car, or mother they still live with (oops!)
3. Malaysian guys have no confidence and charisma (not sexy lar)
Okay, I don’t want to take another hit at the public education system that may have contributed to creating quiet, shy, unexpressive children.
Essentially, the girls are saying ang moh dudes, either due to their better command of English, better self-assurance, or more chest hair (but then our Indian brothers also got what…), are more attractive to them. Fair point to a certain degree.
4. Malaysian guys are so backward thinking
Ah, the kampong (5) mentality. Well, the hot, smart, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girls (at this point, you should suspect that I’m trying to score for SEO (7) in the wrong way) like the forward-thinking mindset of possibility/positivity, the all-go-no-quits attitude of our ang moh friends. Seriously, I think said girls may just be confused with sound ‘ol principles of the Asians, but I don’t wanna say much lar.
5. Malaysian guys are all no fun
I didn’t ask more in detail, but the hot, smart, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girls are saying the local guys are boring. Talk about football, watch action movies, play Candy Crush… Well, if you put that kind of attitude, girl, everything also sounds boring. Bitch, please!
6. Malaysian guys don’t know how to please me sexually
Okay, this is a weird remark to make for a country that ranked one of the highest in porn consumption. Because I had never had sex with a local guy before, I wouldn’t have first-hand (or, in my preferred case, any) info on this. So, no comments.
7. Malaysian guys have their nagging mothers nearby
Haha, this is the classic fear of the (potential) mother-in-law. Local guys love their moms (cooking more than anything else sometimes), so they may tend to be mommy’s boys. This requires delicate diplomatic tactics that our country leaders should be using more of, but I digress.
8. Malaysian guys never left Malaysia
The frog-under-coconut-shell (a local saying, saying you are Mr. Frog who chose/forced to live in a cut-off environment for too long, try forever). I agree with the girls because I have seen some Malaysians who can study in English-speaking countries for four years and still come home not knowing how to speak England. A classic case of cluster-fucking, the students will look for other Malaysian kids in their class and hang with them throughout the tenure. Hence, the exposure was there but never utilized. A sad case indeed.
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1. Kepoh — Nosy, with involvement levels ranging from low (eavesdropping) to mother-in-law crazy (people who just run your lives without your consent)
2. Ang Moh — if we were to translate directly from the Hokkien dialect, it means red hair/fur. This refers to our caucasian friend’s lar (3).
3. Lar — or sometimes la or lah, is a great sentence, phrase, or conversation ender. It keeps things casual and friendly and is used as the most fabulous tension diffuser (proper use of this is “Eh, Fuck You! lar….)
4. Terasa — feeling irritated, agitated, or angered by something someone else said
5. Kampong — village. By right should be spelled kampung, but who gives a fuck lar Puan Noreha (6)
6. Puan Noreha — Malay language teacher that I don’t like
7. SEO — short for Search Engine Optimization, or more commonly confused as Super Exciting Orgasm(s).
8. Pandai — thoughtful, intelligent, witty, knowledgable, or just a way to describe yourself as you are dick-stroking or masturbating (9)
9. Masturbating — ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!!! God knows why you’re single.
10. Lagi — more. Exactly what you should say when asked how much sex you want, how much pay raise you want, and how much rice on your banana leaf.
11. Malas — lazy