Well, being Oriental in nature, let me just stop at the promising 8. There are more, but I figured with all the negativities about our PM, missing money scandals, and monkeys-running-parliament and zoos.
I just thought, why not share some tips from either local guys who had successfully scored hot, intelligent, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girls or “feature requests” from the hot, smart, funny, beautiful Malaysian girls themselves.
1. Know that you, too, have things to be proud of
Malaysians can be modest because we were told since young that if you Bandai (8), don’t show off lar. Truth is, if you’re good at something, you’re good at something. Though you need to practice some moderation, it’s practically ok to demonstrate your strengths or talents. This builds self-worth and confidence, and charisma, too, over time.
2. Talk to more girls
Lagi (9) if you’re from an all-boys school! Girls are not intimidating; bitches are. Frankly, the hottest ones are usually more likely to talk to you because they are so hot that most guys don’t talk to them. And guess what will happen to the only guy at the crowded bar who spoke to the horny, desperate, hot, intelligent, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girl? Just saying.
3. Emulate someone awesome
A good friend of mine, Anthony, emulates Tony Stark a.k.a. Iron Man, from gestures, moves, the way he talks, facial hair to even his love of scotch. Find your Tony Stark and just emulate, but don’t copy. Watch what is done well and assimilate it into your own character.
4. Talk less, listen more, do even more
I think there’s a reason why our creator gives us one mouth, two ears, and two hands. Don’t really get the one dick two balls, though.
5. Go for it
As Nike’s Goddess said, Just (Fucking) Do It already. And know that sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t — that’s life. If you see someone you really find interesting, ask her out for coffee. You’ll be surprised more often than not, she will say yes.
6. Rapport is the currency
Ok, I damn malas (11) to explain this, but pick up a good book on Neuro Linguistic Programming, or better yet, take up a course on it. It’s priceless in the area of personal and relationship development. In a nutshell, if the girl can relate or feel they connect to you, SCORE!
7. Stop hanging out with your loser single friends
Ok lar, sorry to your friends. I don’t mean to be mean, but you do know they are the same people they were since you met them in kindergarten, right? Maybe just spend less time with them, and make new friends from different circles. There’s a saying that if you take the average salary of the 5 people you spend the most time with, that’s probably your salary too. Time to up your game, bro!
8. Story-tell the shit out of anyone
If there’s one skill I think helps impress a girl, it can tell a good story. It can be a personal story or one you stole and make it yours. The ingredients gotta be there lar — humor, inspiration, drama, teary-eyed, emotions, gestures — and practice, dude! But don’t exaggerate it, or you will be the guy who talks too much. Storytelling is just to start the conversation; the game should be “ask-great-questions-and-shut-the-fuck-up!”
So guys, let’s win back our hot, intelligent, funny, gorgeous Malaysian girls!
Glossary:
1. Kepoh — Nosy, with involvement levels ranging from low (eavesdropping) to mother-in-law crazy (people who just run your lives without your consent)
2. Ang Moh — if we were to translate directly from the Hokkien dialect, it literally means red hair/fur. Basically, this refers to our caucasian friend’s lar (3).
3. Lar — or sometimes la or lah, is a great sentence, phrase, or conversation ender. It keeps things casual and friendly and is used as the most fabulous tension diffuser (proper use of this is “Eh, Fuck You! lar….)
4. Terasa — feeling irritated, agitated, or angered by something someone else said
5. Kampong — village. By right should be spelled kampung, but who gives a fuck lar Puan Noreha (6)
6. Puan Noreha — Malay language teacher that I don’t like
7. SEO — short for Search Engine Optimization, or more commonly confused as Super Exciting Orgasm(s).
8. Pandai — thoughtful, intelligent, witty, knowledgable, or just a way to describe yourself as you are dick-stroking or masturbating (9)
9. Masturbating — ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!!! God knows why you’re single.
10. Lagi — more. Exactly what you should say when asked how much sex you want, how much pay raise you want, and how much rice on your banana leaf.
11. Malas — lazy
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